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Christmas and Hanukkah to Merge
And other humor relating to your favorite religion

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.


More humor

Christmas Thoughts and Quotations

Some serious, some funny, some inpirational

The Christmas Story
As seen through the eyes of artist, Albrecht Durer, and we ourselves

The So Called War on Christmas
A report from the central front in the "war on Christmas:" New York City.

Christmas Prayers

Christmas Recipes

They Tried to Outlaw Christmas
John Gibson's "War on Christmas" is a fantasy, but this one was real.

Last Minute Christmas
Highly recommended presents you can get for a friend or loved one that will convey meaning without breaking your budget.

The Top Ten Christmas Albums
Christmas is known for its music. During the holiday season people who seldom attend flock to the churches for a performance of sacred music or to sing a few carols with friends. Why not bring the glory of the season into your own home?

Christmas Music Classical

Christmas is Wonderful, but is it Real?

On Being a Jew at Christmas
The commercial Christmas is as much a problem for Christians as it is for Jews according to a series of articles on the meaning of the holiday.

Why Are There Twelve Days of Christmas?

History of the Christmas Carol


Charles Henderson

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The Rev. Charles P. Henderson is a Presbyterian minister and Executive Director of
  CrossCurrents.
He is the author of God and Science (John Knox Press, 1986).  
A revised and expanded version of the book is appearing here.
God and Science (Hypertext Edition, 2005).
He is also editor of a new book, featuring articles by world class scientists and theologians, and illustrating the leading views on the relationship between science and religion:
Faith, Science and the Future (CrossCurrents Press, 2007).

Charles also tracks the boundry between the virtual and the real at his blog: Next World Design, focusing on the mediation of art, science and spirituality in the metaverse.  

For more information about Charles Henderson.