The 400 Pound Hacker from Jersey; Strange but True

The press and large segments of the public are curious about the “400 pound man sitting on his bed in Jersey,” whom our president-elect keeps mentioning as the possible hacker who tipped the scales in the 2016 Presidential election against Clinton and in favor of Trump. Wonder no more. I refer to him as “Uncle John.” A distant relative by marriage and formerly a brilliant computer programmer working for IBM in Poughkeepsie, New York, he was downsized by Big Blue several years ago and moved to Jersey where he honed his hacking skills breaking into porn sites and online dating services. On occasion he has helped me clean my computer of nasty viruses. Addicted to his computer, Uncle John would binge on milkshakes and Big Macs, while, yes, sitting on his king sized bed in Ho-Ho-Kus.

Surprised by how much fun he could have as a hacker, earlier this year, he decided to take his skills to a higher level, targeting both the RNC and the DNC. He also decided to break into voting machines in swing states like Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Michigan. Bingo. Acting on behalf of white guys like himself whom he sees as victims of globalization, government bureaucracies and lefty politicians, he systematically changed tens of thousands of blue votes to red, tipping the scales in the electoral college to that would-be hero of the working man: Donald J. Trump. Uncle John also identifies with Trump because his middle name begins with J. So, no, Trump is not making this stuff up. He is simply reporting the story that my uncle is finally revealing to others who may see him to as a champion rather than a chump. So much for the “confirmation” by 17 government agencies that would blame the outcome of the 2016 presidential elections on the Russians! The idea that a 400 pound nerd from New Jersey could actually change the course of history may seem strange, but it’s true.

About the author

Charles is a Presbyterian minister, writer, editor, activist, publisher and public theologian.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Verified by MonsterInsights