And other humor relating to your favorite religion
Continuing the current trend of large-scale
mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas
and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the
works for about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it
is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight
days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces,
we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service
during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest
hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently
in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider
audience. Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there,"
the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."
In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his
vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.
of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years
was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa
even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos
were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.
spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might
not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent
existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be
seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned,
he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.
closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy
Vey, All Ye Faithful.
Last Minute Christmas
Highly recommended presents you can get for a friend or loved one that will convey meaning without breaking your budget.
The Top Ten Christmas Albums
Christmas is known for its music. During the holiday season people who seldom attend flock to the churches for a performance of sacred music or to sing a few carols with friends. Why not bring the glory of the season into your own home?
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The Rev. Charles P. Henderson is a Presbyterian minister and author of Faith, Science and the Future, published in 1994 by CrossCurrents Press. He is also the author of God and Science (John Knox / Westminster, 1986) which he is now rewriting to incorporate more recent developments in the conversation taking place between scientists and theologians. He has also written widely for such publications as The New York Times, The Nation, Commonweal, The Christian Century and others.